5.1
Introduction
A business letter differs from
other kinds of writing activities in several ways. First, it is usually
addressed to only one specific person. Therefore, it is important for the
writer to think about the reader with a you-viewpoint or a you-attitude. Second,
every business letter can become a legal document or contract, so it is
critical to maintain an appropriate service attitude. It is also important to
have a good strategy or heuristic. There are three basic types of strategies
for business letters: the good news or neutral letter, the bad news or
problem-solving letter, and the sales letter. The heuristics in each of these
three types can be very important to the outcome or success. For each type of
letter, there are some characteristic strategies, which will
allow the
writer to achieve the best results with specific cases. Look at the format for
letters in the examples provided in the text content, particularly the use of
block form and semi-block form. Let us elaborate the brief outline of the
different parts of the formal letter in terms of: the letterhead block with
address and date; the inside address block, presented as on the envelope; the
salutation, with the various problems of gender and identity address; the body
(block form, no indentation, single-space within / double-space between
paragraphs) usually in three paragraphs on a single page; the signature block,
with legible signature and the addendum (p.s., enc., cc:).
5.2
Do’s and Don’t of Commercial Letter
Individual words are our basic
units of commercial letter writing, the bricks with which we build meaningful
messages. All writers have access to the same words. The care with which we
select and combine words can make the difference between a message that
achieves its objective and one that does not. Discussed below are five
principles of words choice to help you write more effectively.
5.2.1 Write Clearly
The basic guideline for
writing, the one that must be present for the other principles to have meaning,
is to write clearly – to write message in such a way that the reader can
understand, depend on, and act on. You can achieve clarity by making your
message accurate and complete, by using familiar words, and by avoiding
dangling expression and unnecessary jargon.
Be Accurate: A
writer’s credibility is perhaps his or her most important asset, and
credibility depends greatly on the accuracy of the message. If by carelessness,
lack of preparation, or a desire to manipulate, a writer
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misleads the reader, the damage
is immediate as well as long lasting. A reader who has been fooled once may not
trust the writer again.
Accuracy can take many forms. The most basic is the truthful
presentation of facts and figures. But accuracy involves much more. For
example, consider the following sentence from a memo to a firm’s financial
backers; The executive committee of Mitchell Financial Services met on
Thursday, May 28, to determine how to resolve the distribution fiasco.
Suppose, on checking, the reader learns that May 28 fell on
a Wednesday this year – not on a Thursday. Immediately, the reader may suspect
everything else in the message. The reader’s thinking might be, “If the writer
made this error that I did catch, how many errors that I didn’t catch are
lurking there?”
Now consider some other subtle shades of truth. The sentence
implies that the committee met, perhaps in an emergency session, for the sole
purpose of resolving the distribution fiasco. But suppose this matter was only
one of five agenda items being discussed at a regularly scheduled meeting. It
the statement still accurate? Suppose the actual agenda listed the topic as
“Discussion of Recent Distribution Problems.” Is fiasco the same as problems?
The accuracy of a message, then, depends on what is said,
how it is said, and what is left unsaid (see, for example, the following
section on the importance of completeness). Competent writers assess the
ethical dimensions of their writing and use integrity, fairness, and good
judgment to make sure their communication is ethical.
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Be Complete: Closely
related to accuracy is completeness. A message that lacks important
information may create inaccurate impressions. A message is complete when it contains
all the information the reader needs – no more and no less – to react
appropriately.
As a start, answer the five Ws: Tell the reader who, what,
when, where and why. Leaving out any of this information may result either in
decision based on incomplete information or in extra follow-up correspondence
to gather the needed information.
Use Familiar Words: Your message must
be understood before someone can act on it. So you must use words that
are both familiar to you (so that you will not misuse the word) and familiar to
your readers.
Avoid Dangling Expressions: A
dangling expression is any part of a sentence that does not logically
fit in with the rest of the sentence. Its relationship with the other parts of
the sentence is unclear; it dangles. The two most common types of dangling
expressions are misplaced modifies and unclear antecedents.
To correct dangling expressions, (1) make the subject of the
sentence the doer of the action expressed in the introductory clause; (2) move
the expression closer to the word that it modifies;
Don’t:
After reading the proposal, a few problems occurred to me.
(As written, the sentence implies that “a few problems” read the
proposal).
Do : After
reading the proposal, I noted a few problems.
Don’t:
Dr. Ellis gave a presentation on the use of drugs in our
auditorium. (Are drugs being used in the auditorium).
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Do: Dr.
Ellis gave a presentation in our auditorium on the use of drugs. Don’t:Robin
explained the proposal to Joy, but she was not happy with it.
(Who was not happy – Robin or Joy).
Do: Robin
explained the proposal to Joy, but Joy was not happy with it.
Avoid Unnecessary Jargon: Jargon
is technical vocabulary used within a special group. Every field has its
own specialized words, and jargon offers a precise and efficient way of
communicating with people in the same field. Nevertheless, problems arise when
jargon is used to communicate with someone who does not understand it. For
example, to a banker the term CD means a “certificate of deposit,” but to a
stereo buff or computer user it means a “compact disc.” Even familiar words can
be confusing when given a specialized meaning.
Does the field business
communication have jargon? It does – just look at the Key Terms list at the end
of each chapter. The work jargon itself might be considered communication
jargon. In this text, such terms are first defined and then used to make
communication precise and efficient. Competent writers use specialized
vocabulary to communicate with specialists who understand it. And they avoid
using it when their readers are not specialists.
5.2.2
Prefer Short, Simple Words
Short and simple words are more
likely to be understood, less likely to be misused, and less likely to distract
the reader. Literary authors often write to impress; they select words to
achieve a specific reader reaction, such as amusement, excitement, or anger.
Business writers, on the other hand, write to express; they want to achieve
comprehension. They want their
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readers to focus on their
information, not on how they convey their information. Using short, simple
words helps achieve this goal.
Don’t:To
recapitulate, our utilization of adulterated water precipitated the interminable
delays.
Do: In short,
our use of impure water caused the endless delays.
It is true, of course, that quite often short, simple words
may not be available to convey the precise shade of meaning you want. For
example, there is not one-syllable replacement for ethnocentrism (the belief
that one’s own cultural group is superior). Our guideline is not to use only
short and simple words but to prefer short and simple words. (As Mark Twain,
who was paid by the word for his writing, noted, “I never write metropolis for
seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policemen
because I can get the same money for cop”).
Here are some examples of needlessly long words, gleaned
from various business documents, with their preferred shorter substitutes shown
in parentheses:
Ascertain (learn) Endeavor
(try)
Enumerate (list) Fluctuate
(vary)
Indispensable (vital) Initiate
(start)
Modification (change) Recapitulate
(review)
Substantial (large) Termination
(end)
Utilization (use) However
(but)
You need not strike these long words totally from your
written or spoken vocabulary; any one of these words, used in a clear sentence,
would be acceptable. The problem is that a writer may tend to fill his or her
writing with very long words when simpler ones could be used. Use long words in
moderation. Heed the following advice from author Richard Lederer:
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When you speak and write, no law says you have to use big
words. Short words are as good as long ones, and short, old words like sun and
grass and home are best of all. A lot of small words, more than you might
think, can meet your needs with a strength, grace, and charm that large words
lack.
Big words can make the way dark
for those who hear what you say and read what you write. They add fat to your
prose. Small words are the ones we seem to have known from birth. They are like
the hearth fire that warms the home, and they cast a clear light on big things:
night and day, love and hate, war and peace, life and death.
Short words are bright, like sparks that glow in the night;
sharp, like the blade of a knife; hot, like salt tears that scald the cheek;
quick, like moths that flit from flame to flame; and terse, like the dart and
sting of a bee.
If a long word says just what you want, do not fear to use
it. But know that our tongue is rich in crisp, brisk, swift, short words. Make
them the spine and the heart of what you speak and write. Like fast friends,
they will not let you down.
Leader practices what he preaches. All 223 words in these
four paragraphs are one-syllable words! Similarly, 71% of the words in
Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address (190 out of 267) are only one syllable long.
You have probably heard the advice “Write as you speak.”
Although not universally true, such advice is pretty close to the mark. Of
course, if your conversation were peppered with redundancies, jargon, and
clichés, you would not want to put such weaknesses on paper. But typical
conversation
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uses mostly
short, simple words – the kind you do want to put on paper. Don’t assume that
the bigger the words, the bigger the intellect. In fact, you need a large
vocabulary and a well developed word sense to select the best word. And more
often than not, that word is short and simple. Write to express – not to
impress.
5.2.3
WRITE WITH VIGOR
Vigorous language is specific
and concrete. Limp language is filled with clichés, slang, and buzz words.
Vigorous writing holds your reader’s interest. But if your reader isn’t even
interested enough to read your message, your writing can’t possibly achieve its
objective. A second reason for writing with vigor has to do with language
itself. Vigorous writing tends to lend vigor to the ideas presented. A good
idea looks even better dressed in vigorous language, and a weak idea looks even
weaker dressed in limp language.
Use Specific, Concrete
Language: As discussed in the lesson of communication barriers
caused by over abstraction and ambiguity, when possible, choose specific words
– words that have a definite, unambiguous meaning. Likewise, choose concrete
words – words that bring a definite picture to your reader’s mind.
Don’t:The
vehicle broke down several times recently. Do: The delivery van broke
down three times last week.
In the first version, what does
the reader imagine when he or she reads the word vehicle – a golf cart?
Automobile? Boat? Space shuttle? Likewise, how many times is several –two?
Three? Fifteen? The revised version tells precisely what happened.
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Sometimes we do not need such
specific information. For example, in “The president answered several questions
from the audience and then adjourned the meeting”, the specific number of
questions is probably not important. But in most situations, you should watch
out for words like several, recently, a number of, substantial, a few, and a
lot of. You may need to be more exact.
Likewise, use the most concrete word that is appropriate;
give the reader a specific mental picture of what you mean. That is, learn to
talk in pictures: Don’t:The vice president was bored by the
presentation.
Do: The vice
president kept yawning and looking at her watch.
But sure that your terms convey as much meaning as the
reader needs to react appropriately. Watch out for terms like emotional meeting
(anger or gratitude?), bright color (red or yellow?), new equipment (postage
meter or cash register?), and change in price (increase or decrease?).
Avoid Cliches, Slang, and Buzz Words: A
cliché is an expression that has become monotonous through overuse. It
lacks freshness and originality and may also send the unintended message that
the writer couldn’t be bothered to choose language geared specifically to the
reader.
Don’t:Enclosed
please find an application form that you should return at your earliest
convenience.
Do: Please
return the enclosed application form before May 15.
As noted earlier, slang is an expression, often short-lived,
that is identified with a specific group of people. If you understand each word
in an expression but still don’t understand what it means in context, chances
are
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It turns my stomach the way you
can break your neck and beat your brains out around here, and they still stab
you in the back.
To anyone unfamiliar with
American slang (a nonnative speaker, perhaps), this sentence might seem to be
about the body because it refers to the stomach, neck, brains, and back. The
real meaning, of course, is something like this:
I am really upset that this
company ignores hard work and loyalty when making personnel decisions.
Same Rules the World Over: The
strategies for writing effective business messages discussed in this
chapter are universal. The passage below, from a business communication text
for Chinese business executives, recommends substituting concise phrases for
long, empty ones.
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Wordy
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Concise
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Wordy
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Concise
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enclosed
herewith
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enclosed
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under
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separate
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separately
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cover
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enclosed you
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will
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enclosed is
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a
long
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period of
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a long time
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find
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time
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please don’t hesitate
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please write us
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continuous
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and
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continuous
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uninterrupted
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to call upon us
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during
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the
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year
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during 1971
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1971
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please feel
free
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to
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please write
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endorse on the
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endorse this
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write
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prior to
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before
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back of this check
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check
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paradigm
parameter scenario user-friendly
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Avoid slang in most business writing, for several reasons.
First, it is informal, and much of business writing, although not formal, is
still businesslike and calls for standard word usage. Second, slang is short-lived.
A slang phrase used today may not be in use – and thus may not be familiar – in
three years, when your letter is retrieved from the files for reference. Third,
slang is identified with a specific group of people, and others in the general
population may not understand the intended meaning. For these reasons, avoid
these terms in most business writing:
can of worms pay through
the nose
chew out play up to
go for broke security
blanket
hate one’s guts use your
noodle
knock it off wiped out
once-over zonked out
A buzz word is an important-sounding expression used
mainly to impress other people. Because buzz words are so often used by
government officials and high ranking business people – people whose comments
are “newsworthy” – these expressions get much media attention. They become
instant clichés and then go out of fashion just as quickly. At either end of
their short life span, they cause communication problems. If an expression is
currently being used by everyone, it sounds monotonous, lacking originality. If
it is no longer being used by anyone, readers may not understand the intended
meaning. Here are examples of recent “in” expressions:
bottom
line done deal impact (verb) interface
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Be especially careful of
turning nouns and other types of words into verbs by adding-ize. Such words as
agendize, prioritize, unionize, and operationalize quickly become tiresome.
5.2.4
Write Concisely
Businesspeople are busy people.
The information revolution has created more paperwork, giving businesspeople
access to more data. Having more data to analyze (but presumably not being able
to read any faster or having more time in which to do so), managers want
information presented in the fewest possible words. To achieve conciseness,
make every word count. Avoid redundancy, wordy expressions, hidden verbs and
nouns, and other “space-eaters”.
Avoid Redundancy: Redundancy
is unnecessary repetition of an idea that has already been expressed or
intimated. Eliminating the repetition contributes to conciseness.
Don’t:
Signing both copies of the lease is a necessary requirement.
Do: Signing both copies of the lease is necessary. Don’t:Combine the
ingredients together.
Do: Combine the ingredients.
A requirement is by definition
necessary, so only one of the words is needed. And to combine means to bring
together, so using both words is redundant. Don’t confuse redundancy and
repetition. Repetition – using the same word more than once – is occasionally
effective for emphasis (as we will discuss in the next Chapter). Redundancy,
however, serves no purpose and should always be avoided.
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Some redundancies are humorous, as in the classic Samuel Goldwyn
comment, “Anybody who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined,”
or the sign in a jewelry store window, “Ears pierced while you wait”, or the
statement in an automobile advertisement, “Open seven days a week plus
weekends”. Most redundancies, however, are simply verbiage – and hence must be
avoided.
Do not use the unnecessary word together after such words as
assemble, combine, cooperate, gather, join, merge, or mix. Do not use the
unnecessary word new before such words as beginner, discovery, fad, innovation,
or progress. And do not use the unnecessary word up after such words as
connect, divide, eat, lift, mix, and rest. Also avoid the following common
redundancies (use the words in parentheses instead):
advance planning (planning) over again
(over)
any and all (any or all) past history
(history)
basic fundamentals (basics or
fundamentals) repeat again (repeat)
but nevertheless (but or
nevertheless) sum total
(sum or total)
each and every (each or every) true facts
(facts)
free gift (gift) when and if
(when or if)
Avoid Wordy Expressions: Although
wordy expressions are not necessarily writing errors (as redundancies
are), they do slow the pace of the communication and should be avoided. For
example, try substituting one word for a phrase whenever possible.
Don’t:
In view of the fact that the model failed twice during the
time that we tested it, we are at this point of time searching for other
options.
Do: Because
the model failed twice when we tested it, we are now searching for other
options.
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The original sentence contains 28 words; the revised
sentence, 16 You’ve “saved” 12 words. In his delightful book Revising Business
Prose, Richard Lanham speaks of the “lard factor”: the percentage of words
saved by “getting rid of the lard” in a sentence. In this case,
28 – 16 = 12; 12 ÷ 28 = 43%
Thus, 43% of the original sentence was “land”, which
fattened the sentence without providing any “nutrition”. Lanham suggests,
“Think of a lard factor (LF) of 1/3 to ½ as normal and don’t stop revising
until you’ve removed it. ”
Here
are examples of other wordy phrases and their preferred one-word
substitutes
in parentheses:
are of the opinion that (believe) in the event
that (if)
due to the fact that (because) pertaining
to (about)
for the purpose of (for or to) with regard
to (about)
in
order to (to)
Avoid Hidden Verbs: A hidden verb is a
verb that has been changed into a noun form, weakening the action. Verbs
are action words and should convey the main action in the sentence. They
provide interest and forward movement. Consider this example:
Don’t:Carl
made an announcement that he will give consideration to our request.
Do: Carl
announced that he will consider our request.
What is the real action? It is not that Carl made something
or that he will give something. The real action is hiding in the nouns: Carl
announced and will consider. These two verb forms, then, should be the main
verbs in the sentence. Notice that the revised sentence is much more direct – and
four
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arrived
at the conclusion (concluded) came to an agreement (agreed)
gave a demonstration
of (demonstrated) gave an explanation (explained)
has
a requirement for (requires) held a meeting (met)
made a payment (paid) Performed an analysis of (analyzed)
Avoid Hidden Subjects: Like verbs,
subjects play a prominent role in a sentence and should stand out,
rather then being obscured by an expletive beginning. An expletive is an
expression such as there is or it is that begins a clause or sentence and for
which pronoun has no antecedent. Because the topic of a sentence that begins
with an expletive is not immediately clear, you should use such sentences
sparingly in business writing. Avoiding expletives also contributes to
conciseness.
Don’t:
There was no indication that it is necessary to include John
in the meeting.
Do: No one
indicated that John should be included in the meeting.
Imply or Condense: Sometimes you do
not need to explicitly state certain information; you can imply it
instead. In other situations, you can use adjectives and adverbs instead of
clauses to convey the needed information in a more concise format.
Don’t:We
have received your recent letter and are happy to provide the date you
requested.
Do: We are happy to provide the
data you recently requested. Don’t:This brochure, which is available
free of charge, will answer your
questions.
Do: This free
brochure will answer your questions.
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Words that create a positive
image are more likely to help you achieve your objective than are negative
words. For example, you are more likely to persuade someone to do as you ask if
you stress the advantages of doing so rather than the disadvantages of not
doing so. Positive language also builds goodwill for you and your organization
and often gives more information than negative language. Note the differences
in tone and amount of information given in the following pairs of sentences:
Don’t: The
briefcase is not made of cheap imitation leather.
Do: The
briefcase is made of 100% belt leather for years of durable service.
Don’t:
We cannot ship your merchandise until we receive your check.
Do: As soon as we receive your check, we will ship your merchandise.
Don’t:I do not yet have any work experience.
Do: My
two terms as secretary of the Management Club taught me the importance of
accurate record keeping and gave me experience in working as part of a team.
Expressions like cannot and
will not are not the only ones that convey negative messages. Other words, like
mistake, damage, failure, refuse, and deny, also carry negative connotations
and should be avoided when possible.
Don’t: Failure to follow the
directions may cause the blender to malfunction.
Do: Following
the directions will ensure many years of carefree service from your blender.
Don’t: We apologize
for this error.
Do:
We appreciate your calling this matter to our attention.
Don’t: We close at 7 p.m. on Fridays.
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Sometimes you can avoid negative language by switching to
the subjunctive mood, which uses words like wish, if, and would to refer to
conditions that are impossible or improbable. Such language, softens the impact
of the negative message, making it more palatable to the reader. Here are two
examples:
Don’t: I cannot speak at your November meeting.
Do:
I wish it were possible for me to speak at your November
meeting. Don’t: I cannot release the names of our clients.
Do: Releasing
the names of our clients would violate their right to privacy.
In short, stress what is true and what can be done rather
than what is not true and what cannot be done. This is not to say that negative
language has no place in business writing. Negative language is strong and emphatic,
and sometimes you will want to use it. However, unless the situation clearly
calls for negative language, you are more likely to achieve your objective and
to build goodwill for yourself and your organization by stressing the positive.
Because words are the building blocks for your message,
choose them with care. Using short simple words, writing with clarity, vigor,
and conciseness; and using positive language will help you construct effective
sentences and paragraphs. If you are one of the many students learning business
communication for whom English is a second language, see Spotlight 13, “So
You’re and ESTL Speaker,” on page 138.
Writing Effective Sentences :A
sentence has a subject and predicate and express at least one complete
thought. Beyond these attributes, however, sentences vary widely in style,
length, and effect. They are also very
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flexible;
writers can move sentence parts around, add and delete information, and
substitute words to express different ideas and emphasize different points. To
build effective sentences, use a variety of sentence types, and use active and
passive voice appropriately.
5.2.6
Use A Variety of Sentence Types
There
are four basic sentence types – simple, compounds, complex and compound-complex
– all of which are appropriate for business writing. Simple Sentence: It
contains one independent clause (a clause that can stand alone as a
complete though). Because it presents a single idea and is usually (but not
always) short, a simple sentence is often used for emphasis. Although a simple
sentence contains only one independent clause, it may have a compound subject
or compound verb (or both). All of the following sentences are simple.
I quit.
Individual Retirement Accounts are a
safe option.
Both individual Retirement
Accounts and Simplified Employee Pension Plans are safe and convenient options
as retirement investments for the entrepreneur.
Complex Sentence: It
contains one independent clause and at least one dependent clause. (If
the two ideas are not closely related, they should be presented tin two
separate sentences). Here are three compound sentences: Stacey listened, but I
nodded.
Morris Technologies made a
major acquisition last year, and it turned out to be a disaster.
Westmoreland Mines moved its
headquarters to Prescott in 1984; however, it stayed there only five years and
then moved back to Globe.
Complex Sentence: It
contains one independent clause and at least one dependent clause. For
example, in the first sentence below, “Two scanner will save valuable input
time” is an independent clause because it makes
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sense
by itself. “Although it cost $235” is a dependent clause because it does not
make sense by itself.
Although
it cost $235, the scanner will save valuable input time. George Bosley, why is
the new CEO at Hubbell, made the decision. I will be moving to Austin when I
assume my new position.
The dependent clause provides additional, but subordinate,
information related to the independent clause.
Compound-Complex Sentence A
compound-complex sentence: This contains tow or more independent
clauses and one or more dependent clauses.
I wanted to write the report myself, but I soon realized
that I needed the advice of our legal department. (two independent clauses and
one dependent clause).
If I can, I’ll do it; if I cannot, I’ll ask Shelia to do it.
(two independent clauses and two dependent clauses).
Sentence Variety: Using a variety of
sentence patterns and sentence lengths helps keep your writing
interesting. Note how simplistic and choppy too many short sentences can be and
how boring and difficult too many long sentence can be.
The sentences in these paragraphs should be revised to show
relationships between ideas more clearly, to keep readers interested, and to
improve readability. Use simple sentences for emphasis and variety, compound
sentences for coordinate (equal) relationships, and complex sentences for
subordinate relationships.
The first two sentences in the revision are complex, the
third sentence is simple, and the last sentence is compound. The lengths of the
four sentences range from 12 to 27 words. To write effective sentences, use
different sentence patterns and lengths. Most sentences in good business
writing range from 16 to 22.
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5.2.7
Use Active and Passive Voice Appropriately
Voice is the aspect of a very
that shows whether the subject of the sentence acts or is acted on. In the active
voice, the subject performs the action expressed by the very. In the passive
voice, the subject receives the action expressed by the verb.
Active:
Inmac offers a full refund on all orders. Passive: A
full refund on all orders is offered by Inmac. Active: Shoemacher &
Doerr audited the books in 2002.
Passive:
The books were audited in 2002 by Shoemacher & Doerr.
Passive sentences add some form of the verb to be to the main verb, so
passive sentences are always somewhat longer than active sentences. In the
first set of sentences just given, for example, compare offers in the active
sentence with is offered by in the passive sentence.
In active sentences, the
subject is the doer of the action; in passive sentences, the subject is the
receiver of the action. And because the subject gets more emphasis than other
nouns in a sentence, active sentences emphasize the doer, and passive sentences
emphasize the receiver, of the action. In the second set of sentences, either
version could be considered correct, depending on whether the writer wanted to
emphasize Shoemacher & Doerr or the books.
Use active sentences most of
the time in business writing, just as you naturally use active sentences in
most of your conversations. Note that verb voice (active or passive) has
nothing to do with verb tense, which shows the time of the action. As the
following sentences show, the action in both active and passive sentences can
occur in the past, present, or future.
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Do: Hal presented a very logical
argument. (Active voice, past tense) Don’t: An 18% increase will be
reported by the eastern region. (Passive
voice, future tense0
Do: The
eastern region will report on 18% increase. (Active voice, future tense)
Passive sentences are most appropriate when you want to
emphasize the receiver of the action, when the person doing the action is
either unknown or unimportant, or when you want to be tactful in conveying
negative information. All the following sentences are appropriately stated in
the passive voice:
Protective legislation was blamed for the drop in imports.
(Emphasizes the receiver of the action).
Transportation to the construction site will be provided.
(The doer of the action not important).
Several complaints have been received regarding the new
policy. (Tactfully conveys negative news)
Words, sentences, and paragraphs are all building blocks of
communication. You have seen how using a variety of sentence types and using
active and passive voice appropriately can help make your sentences more
effective. Now you are ready to combine these sentences to form logical
paragraphs.
Developing Logical Paragraphs: A
paragraph is a group of related sentences that focus on one main idea. The
main idea is often identified in the first sentence of the paragraph, which is
then known as a topic sentence. The body of the paragraph supports this main
idea by giving more information, analysis, or examples. A paragraph is
typically part of a
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longer
message, although one paragraph can contain the entire message, especially in
such informal communications as memorandums and email. Paragraphs organize the
topic into manageable units of information for the reader. Readers need a cue
to tell them when they have finished a topic, so that they can pause and
refocus their attention on the next topic. To serve this purpose, paragraphs
must be unified and coherent, be stated in parallel structure, and be of an
appropriate length.
5.2.8
Keep Paragraphs Unified and Coherent
Although closely related, unity
and coherence are not the same. A paragraph has unity when all its parts work
together to develop a single idea consistently and logically. A paragraph has coherence
when each sentence links smoothly to the sentences before and after it.
Unity: A
unified paragraph gives information that is directly related to the topic,
presents this information in a logical order, and –omits irrelevant details.
The following excerpt is a middle paragraph in a memorandum arguing against the
proposal that Collins, a baby-food manufacturer, should expand into producing
good for adults:
Don’t:
[1] We cannot focus our attention on both ends of the age
spectrum. [2] In a recent survey, two-thirds of the under -35 age group
named Collins as the first company that came to mind for the category “baby
food products”. [[3] For more than 50 years we have spent millions of dollars
annually to identify our company as the baby-food company, and market research
shows that we have been successful. [4] Last year, we introduced Peas ‘N Pears,
our most successful baby-food introduction ever. [[5]’ To now seek to position
ourselves as a producer of food for adults would simply be
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incongruous.
[6] Our well-defined image in the marketplace would make producing food for
adults risky.
The paragraph obviously lacks unity. You may decide that the
overall topic of the paragraph is Collins’s well-defined image as a baby-food
producer. So Sentence 6 would be the best topic sentence. You might also decide
that Sentence 4 brings in extra information that weakens paragraph unity and
would be left out. The most unified paragraph, then, would be Sentences 6, 3,
2, 5 and 1, as shown here:
Do: Our
well-defined image in the marketplace would make producing food for adults
risky. For more than 50 years we have spent millions of dollars annually to
identify our company as the baby-food company, and market research shows that
we have been successful. In a recent survey, two-thirds of the under 35 age
group named Collins as the first company that came to mind for the category
“baby-food products” . to now seek to position ourselves as a producer of food
for adults would simply be incongruous. We cannot focus our attention on both
ends of the age spectrum.
A topic sentence is especially helpful in a long paragraph.
It usually appears at the beginning of a paragraph. This position helps the
writer focus on the topic, so the paragraph will have unity. And it lets the
reader know immediately what the topic is.
Coherence: A coherent
paragraph weaves sentences together so that the discussion is
integrated. The reader never needs to pause to puzzle out the relationships or
reread to get the intended meaning. The major ways to achieve coherence are to
use transitional words and pronouns, to repeat key words and ideas, and to use
parallel structure.
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Transitional words help the
reader see relationships between sentences. Such words may be as simple as
first and other indicators of sequence.
Ten years ago, Collins tried to overcome market resistance
to its new line of baby clothes. First, it mounted a multimillion-dollar ad
campaign featuring the Mason quintuplets. Next, it sponsored a Collins Baby
look-alike contest. Then it sponsored two network specials featuring Dr.
Benjamin Spock.
Finally, it brought in the Madison Avenue firm of Morgan
& Modine to broaden its image.
The words first, next, then, and finally clearly signal
step-by-step movement. Now note the following logical transitions, aided by
connecting words:
I recognize, however, that Collins cannot thrive on baby
food alone. To begin with, since we already control 73% of the market, further
gains will be difficult. What’s more, the current baby boom is slowing.
Therefore, we must expand our product line.
Transitional words act as road signs, indicating where the
message is headed and letting the reader know what to expect. Here are some
commonly used transitional expressions grouped by the relationships they
express:
Relationship Transitional
Expressions
addition also,
besides, furthermore, in addition, moreover, too
cause and effect as a result,
because, consequently, hence, so,
Therefore, thus
comparison in the same
way, likewise, similarly
contrast although,
but, however, in contrast, nevertheless,
On the other hand, still, yet.
illustration for example,
for instance, in other words, to illustrate
sequence first, second,
third, then, next, finally
summery/conclusion at last,
finally, in conclusion, to summarize, therefore
time meanwhile,
next, since, soon, then
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A second way to achieve
coherence is to use pronouns. Because pronouns stand for words already named,
using pronouns binds sentences and ideas together. The pronouns are underlined
here:
If Collins branches out with additional food products, one
possibility would be a fruit snack for youngsters. Funny Fruits were tested in
Columbus last summer, and they were a big hit. Roger Johnson, national
marketing manager, says he hopes to build new food categories into a $200
million business. He is also exploring the possibility of acquiring other
established name brands. These acquired brands would let Collins expand faster
than if it had to develop a new product of its own.
A third way to achieve coherence is to repeat key words. In
a misguided attempt to appear interesting, writers sometimes use different
terms for the same idea. For example, in discussing a proposed merger a writer
may at different points use merger, combination, union, association, and
syndicate. Or a writer may use the words administrator, manager, supervisor,
and executive all to refer to the same person. Such “elegant variation” only
confuses the reader, who has no way of knowing whether the writer is referring
to the same concept or to slightly different variations of the concept. Avoid
needless repetition, but use purposeful repetition to link ideas and thus
promote paragraph coherence. Here is a good example:
Collins has taken several steps recently to enhance profits
and project a stronger leadership position. One of these steps is streamlining
operations. Collins’s line of children’s clothes was unprofitable, so it
discontinued the line. Its four produce farms were likewise unprofitable, so it
hired an outside professional team to manage them. This team eventually
recommended selling the farms.
Ensure paragraph unity by developing only one topic per
paragraph and by presenting the information in logical order. Ensure paragraph
coherence by using transitional words and pronouns and by repeating key words.
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5.2.9
Use Parallel Structure
The term parallelism means
using similar grammatical structure for similar ideas – that is, matching
adjectives with adjectives, nouns with nouns, infinities with infinities, and
so on. Much widely quoted writing uses parallelism: for example, Julius
Caesar’s “I came, I saw, I conquered” and Abraham Lincoln’s “government of the
people, by the people, and for the people”. Parallel structure smoothly links
ideas and adds a pleasing rhythm to sentences and paragraphs, thereby enhancing
coherence.
Don’t:
The new dispatcher is competent and a fast worker. Do : The
dispatcher is competent and fast.
Don’t: The new grade of paper is
lightweight, nonporous, and it is inexpensive.
Do:
The new grade of paper is lightweight, nonporous, and
inexpensive. Don’t:The training program will cover.
1.
Vacation and sick leaves
2.
How to resolve grievances
3.
Managing your workstation
Do: The training
program will cover
1.
Vacation and sick leaves
2.
Grievance resolution
3.
Workstation management
Don’t:
One management consultant recommended either selling the children’s
furniture division or its conversion into a children’s toy division.
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Do: One
management consultant recommended either selling the children’s furniture
division or conversion it into a children’s toy division.
Don’t:
Gladys is not only proficient in word processing but also in
desktop publishing.
Do: Gladys
is proficient not only in word processing but also in desktop publishing.
In the last two sets of
sentences above, note that correlative conjunctions (such as both/and,
either/or, and not only/but also) must be followed by words in parallel form.
Be especially careful to use parallel structure in report headings that have
equal weight and in numbered lists.
5.2.10 Control Paragraph Length
How long should a paragraph of
business writing be? As with other considerations, the needs of the reader,
rather than the convenience of the writer, should determine the answer.
Paragraphs should help the reader by signaling a new idea as well as by
providing a physical break. Long blocks of unbroken text look boring and
needlessly complex. And they may unintentionally obscure an important idea
buried in the middle. On the other hand, a series of extremely short paragraphs
can weaken coherence by obscuring underlying relationships.
Essentially, there are no fixed
rules for paragraph length, and occasionally one or ten-sentence paragraphs
might be effective. However, most paragraphs of good business writers fall into
the 60 to 80 word range – long enough for a topic sentence and three or four
supporting sentences. Although a single paragraph should never discuss more
than one major topic, complex topics may need to be divided into several
paragraphs.
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5.3
Summary
Communication is a complex
two-way process, involving the encoding, translation and decoding of messages.
Effective communication through commercial letter requires the communicator to
translate their messages in a way that is specifically designed for their
intended audience. Creating and drafting an effective commercial letter
requires a basic understanding of the communication process. Most commercial
letters require the clear and unambiguous communication of a message in a way
that can be clearly understood by the recipient. It is human nature to assume
that when we communicate we are doing so effectively, and that if anything goes
wrong consequently the responsibility for that must rest with the recipient.
In a commercial
letter, the writer of the letter should understand very clearly the following
steps:
Step 1: Organize
your writing.
Step 2: Know what is and is not
appropriate Step 3: Write an informative beginning
Step 4: Write an revealing exchange
of information Step 5: Avoid clumsy phrases and complex vocabulary
Step 6: Apply the skills to good
news and bad news messages Step 7: Use short, clear sentences and simple
punctuation Step 8: Write a clear, meaningful subject line
Step 9: Convey your message in as
few words as possible Step 10: Use headings, generalizations, and paragraphs
Step 11: Write a cordial, informative conclusion
Step 12: Edit and
proofread your writing.
Your
intention and the needs of someone who reads your letter should at the end of
the day make a decision as to what a letter need to carry.
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5.4
Key Words
♦
Parallelism : The term parallelism
means using similar grammatical structure for similar ideas – that is, matching
adjectives with adjectives, nouns with nouns, infinities with infinities, and
so on.
♦
Coherence: A coherent paragraph
weaves sentences together so that the discussion is integrated.
♦
Unity: A unified paragraph gives
information that is directly related to the topic, presents this information in
a logical order, and –omits irrelevant details.
♦
Complex Sentence: It contains one
independent clause and at least one dependent clause.
♦
Complex Sentence: It contains one
independent clause and at least one dependent clause.
5.5
Self-Assessment Questions
1.
Define the concept ‘commercial
letter’. Discuss the essentials of a commercial letter. Also give a specimen of
such letter.
2.
"The single most significant
characteristic of the commercial letter is that it must have a human
face." Discuss.
3.
"Communication is the sum of
all things one person does when he wants to create understanding in the mind of
another. It is a bridge of meaning. It involves a systematic and continuous
process of telling, listening and understanding." Is it true in case of
commercial letter? Argue your viewpoint with suitable examples.
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5.6
Suggested Readings
1. Pal,
Rajendra and Korlahalli, J. S., Essentials of Business Communication.
2.
Kaul, Asha, Effective Business Communication.
3.
Lesikar, R. V. and Pettite J. D., Business Communication.
4.
Sharma, R. C. , Business Communication and Report Writing.
5.
Shinha, P., Business Communication.
